Three is complicated

I backed Ember into a corner last week, during a really tough and emotional time for him, and the result wasn’t pretty. I made a big mistake, and we’ve talked over how to avoid something like that happening again. He gave me a list of signs for how to tell when he’s having a stressful week that’s just another stressful week, and when he’s having a stressful week where I need to back off unless something is immediately and intensely important, which is just general good information.

But another thing that came from it was Ember deciding that we really need to just go ahead and start tackling some of the big serious issues, and we need to start tackling them as a group, not just talking in pairs and relying info and thoughts in bits and pieces. We started on Monday with Ember giving us a rundown of the unresolved issues he was aware of. We’re not expecting to be able to make decisions on everything, but we want to make the decisions we can, and we want everyone to be aware of what the pending decisions and options are.

So that post about balance? Things just escalated another level, and I feel like I’ve gone from walking along a ledge to trying to run on a tight rope. Perhaps not quite that drastic of a change, but life is complicated and the three of us are all left going, “Ok. So this is a problem. How the fuck do we fix this?”

The problems? Kids and legal marriage. We haven’t reached a group consensus about living together and raising kids together (or one of us being okay still being a part of a close relationship if the other two are raising kids), and then there’s also the problem of, which of them do I legally marry? Catalyst, Ember, or neither of them? The children issue was a known one, but the marriage one is a very, very recent development. It’s barely even been months (has it even been months?) since marrying Catalyst was even something that could be an option! (Catalyst and Dreamer are not divorced yet, but it’s going to happen unless there’s a drastic and surprising change).

I think I’d honestly just decide not to legally marry either of them, except there’s pretty strong legal reasons to marry Ember. Unfortunately, Catalyst is having a knee jerk reaction to the idea of being an unmarried man involved with a married woman. More importantly, he’s feeling uncomfortable with the idea of being an unmarried man having children with a married woman. Well fuck. So we need to untangle and understand his reaction, and then figure out what to do. Ember refuses to get married without Catalyst being completely on board, and I admit I’m glad that’s the stance he’s taking. I’m also really glad that Catalyst trusted us enough to actually express his feelings, because that can’t have been easy.

In other news, I’m working fewer hours, and today I learned that I might not actually have to go to work on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Also, I’m in love with two amazing men who apparently both would like to marry me (not necessarily for the most romantic of reasons but hey, it’s something) and are working really hard to figure out what we’re going to do about the fact that that’s impossible right now. I think I’m still winning.

2 thoughts on “Three is complicated

  1. AHHH this debate. Its tricky. Tricky tricky tricky.

    My family has come to a few consensus’s and ideas. However, thus being made a tad more complicated by one of them being from germany, and therefore a german citizen. So there is that.

    But I think we know roughly who will marry who, if anyone, and then who will have kids with who.

    Its.. yeah, weird.

    • It makes me feel better that someone else is going through this, but at the same time I don’t wish this dilemma on anyone. We have a similar complication to yours. If it only it lined up with which one of them actually cared most about being married!

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