I have so much I want to say about the idea of marriage and primary relationships and commitment, and it’s not going to fit in one post, as much as I keep trying. So I’m going to do my best to keep this post focused.
I interviewed at my school last week, the only Midwest program I applied to, and one of my favorite Doctors really wants me to stay, but did emphasize that it’s my choice how I make my rank list. Still, he said that he discourages anyone from moving for a relationship without a ring.
I feel like I’m stuck in a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. If I don’t get married at all, people will forever worry about me. Why is she devaluing herself? Why is she making these sacrifices for men who don’t/can’t properly commit to her? If I do get married (which would be to Ember, since Catalyst is already married), why am I violating the sanctity of marriage and seeking anything outside of it? How could I even consider having children with someone other than my husband? Why did I bother getting married in the first place?
I wish I knew more people in similar situations. Most poly people I know are married, or are unmarried but not wanting kids. I don’t know anyone that’s thinking about having kids outside of marriage, let alone with someone else who’s married. (Note the word choices I’m using, by the way; we’re still in the very early contemplation stages with this whole kids thing).
And I guess that’s part of why I wanted to start this blog. I wanted there to be representation of something a little different from what I usually see online. =)
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