Our Two Body Problem

(The two body problem; typically has to do with academic careers, but I think the spirit of it applies to our situation)

I had a really good post-Match Day weekend with both Ember and Catalyst, and then a wonderful week with Ember. We haven’t spent that much time around each other since October or November, and it was a well timed period of reconnection.

It was also our six year anniversary. :)

Ember and I check in with each other often, making sure we both agree that the relationship is worth continuing. We love each other and are in love with each other, but we don’t have a traditional commitment to our relationship; it’s almost more like a commitment to each other’s well being than it is to the relationship itself, which leads to us making unusual decisions like when I encouraged him to apply for this job that led to his move, or when he supported my relationship with Catalyst, even though he realized before I did how serious it could become.

I don’t think it’s better or worse to support the individuals over the relationship; it’s just different, and it’s just how we evolved. It happened because of who we were and are (especially because of who he was and is), and I’m not sure a relationship between us would really work any other way.

The way our relationship works could be its undoing, except we’re not sure at what point two people who still love each other, who are in a polyamorous relationship, and who are okay with being in a long distance relationship, decide that it’s time to break up. It’s possible that we’ll continue like this indefinitely, as intensely important figures in each other’s lives, even if not physically present. It’s also possible that things will shift and we’ll need to put a bit more emotional distance between us, because there’s the danger that the pain of watching each other build our lives independently will outweigh the pleasure of being entangled.

And it’s possible that we’ll all end up in the same city again, and that continuing our relationship in one form or another will be much easier (but never simple. We don’t do simple).

I often have a hard time explaining our relationship to other people, but it just works for us, so far and right now. We understand each other, really get each other, and we care about each other fiercely. We have our communication hiccups, but¬†ultimately¬†I think we’re very good at talking to each other, and sometimes I love him the most after we’ve just had a long, intense conversation figuring out what we’ve been doing wrong.

There are so many things about us and our relationship that are perfectly good reasons for most people to break up, but so far we’ve always decided to keep going. At the end of the day, we’ve made this a healthy relationship that’s been good for both of us as individuals, and I hope that stays true.

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