There are no winners or losers in polyamory, at least, there shouldn’t be. Relationships aren’t games.
But it’s hard not to try keeping score. It’s hard not to look at certain situations and identify people who clearly seem to be benefiting more from a relationship than the other participants.
You can take a look at things from my, Ember, or Catalyst’s perspectives, and see ways in which we might seem to have advantages over one or both of the other two, but I don’t know that you can really say who is getting the most benefit out of this relationship. It would be easy to say that I do, given that I have two “primary” partners, but the situation has so many nuances and complexities.
And when one of us suffers, when one of us is feeling like their needs aren’t being met sufficiently, we’re all affected.
Ember recently came and went for a brief weekend visit, and on the last night we had some unexpectedly heavy conversation initiated by Catalyst. I’m left feeling a bit shaken, but the only option that makes sense to me is to keep going on. This year will be full of many important steps for us; lots of test phases that will give us some real information about whether or not this can be sustainable.
Times like this I admit I have trouble explaining why we’re putting ourselves through this, except to say that I still believe that it has so much potential to go very well for all three of us.