Musings on gender

I’m overall quite content with having been born a cis female, but there are times when I’m annoyed. It usually has to do with my gender limiting my options (like hating all the colors something I want comes in), or setting expectations that I have no desire to meet.

I was a cute kid, and I never really enjoyed it when people complimented my appearance. I think what bothered me most was how some of my mother’s friends were fond of me even though I was very quiet and reserved. I didn’t want to be liked because I was cute. I wanted to be liked for who I was.

To some degree I’ve grown out of that, and will go out of my way, on occasion, to dress for compliments, but it’s something I have to be in the mood for. It’s not natural for me to try to be specifically cute or pretty, “done up,” on a daily basis. I like simple, functional and comfortable. Solid colors, soft, durable material, and as few decorative distractions as possible.

I’m not trying to be a man or a boy. I’m just being me, and me is someone who happens to prefer certain things more traditionally associated with men, me is someone who doesn’t always click well with the women and would rather hang out with “the guys.”

I’ve grown to dislike the term “tomboy.” At the same time, I don’t like trying to avoid labels, because I think labels are a big part of how humans think and organize information. Is the solution for masculine and feminine to become more gender neutral terms? Perhaps, but will it ever happen?

I like being a mix of features and stereotypes. I like home domesticity; cooking and cleaning are pleasant chores to me. I also like power tools (used to build sets in high school), and I like to play video games. I love flowy skirts, and there’s nothing better than weather so hot and humid that I can just throw on a simple cotton dress and feel comfortable. But generally, I prefer pants, and the main reason I’m considering trying to wear skirts more is because it’s a pain to find pants that fit my figure. (Actually, I prefer leggings and I lived in them as a kid. Unfortunately, I’ve bought into the belief that leggings generally are not appropriate as pants in public, unless your butt is covered).

I don’t have much of a point to this post; it’s just something I’ve been thinking about again, largely because I’m in the process of trying to aim for owning the right combination of clothes such that I’m rarely stuck staring at a packed closet wondering what on earth I want to wear. I’ve been trying for a while to upgrade my clothes, and only recently realized that I was trying too hard to aim for a more standard feminine style, when that’s not quite me.

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