Delayed Recovery

Ember and I are struggling with moving past my decision to rank Catalyst’s city first, especially since we don’t have the closure of the final outcome yet. While I empathize with how he feels, I also get frustrated. If things had happened in a different order, if I had matched and moved before he got the job offer, then the situation would be framed in a way that I’m not the one who had to make the choice (and I think the end result would be the same; I think he would have taken the job and moved away, but we’ll never know for sure).

Post-Match Day, we’re going to regroup and figure things out, because that’s what we do, but the waiting period is just awkward. And of course, Ember and I have our sixth anniversary the weekend after, and it’s ¬†the first anniversary since 2009 that we’ll be spending together, so I really want to have fun with it. I don’t want to spend the entire weekend having Serious Relationship Talks.

My original plan was just business as usual until Match Day, when we can finally start talking about the future, but I don’t think that’s been healthy for us. At the same time, I don’t want to talk through what our plan is for each of the ¬†eleven programs on my list. Should we start talking now about what happens if I match in Catalyst’s city? Should we also talk about what happens if I match near Ember? I’m not sure. He brought this up last night, and I’m as uncertain now as I was then.

Sigh, polyamory. I stand by my choices and believe that things are going to work out for the best for all of us in the end, someday, but we’ve got a patch of bumpy, uncharted territory to drive through first.

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