205 Days Later

I knew it’d been a long time since I’ve updated, but I hadn’t realized that I left things off on a cliffhanger. Oops!

I said no to my parents. Catalyst and I moved into a small three bedroom townhouse (master bedroom, “guest” bedroom, and office with just barely enough room for our three desktop stations), which my mother has seen. She visited in June, a few weeks after we moved, and got to see the place. We spent all our time together one on one, as she is still processing Catalyst’s existence in my life and needs more time (also, Catalyst’s parents visited the same weekend, so he was off with them).

Ember has been able to visit for nine day stretches most months since then, with the main exceptions of this month (scheduling difficulties), and August (because all three of us went to Burning Man together, which was an amazing experience and we did not kill each other). So far, yeah there’s things that get on each other’s nerves about living together, but no major red flags that are simply about sharing space and are not actually just relationship things we are still working on.

As rather vaguely alluded to in this post, this was to be a year of Figuring Things Out. Mostly, we are still Figuring Things Out, but Catalyst has decided that even though his natural preference is for a much more explicitly committed relationship where everyone has defined, common life goals, he still feels like his needs are being met in this current set up, and so he’s decided he’s here for the long haul. Yay! Huge stress off my shoulders.

There is, of course, so much more to work on. Will it continue to be Catalyst and I living together with Ember visiting regularly, or will we all live together? IF so, would Ember move back to Rainy City, or would Catalyst and I move down to the Bay Area? Would we all move somewhere else? Will I have children? How much longer will I be in training?! (I’m considering applying for a two year fellowship…) Will we get a third dog someday or will I wait for one of Catalyst’s dogs to die before getting my own? Will Catalyst ever relent and allow a cat in his home? How are we going to handle gun ownership? (Catalyst likes having a gun at home, Ember and I not so much). Will we someday have a more coherent schedule for spending time with our families of origin? Will I ever be able to bring both my loves home with me?

It’s still confusing and terrifying, but it’s starting to just feel like life. I’m finally starting to ease my grip on the idea that the next stage is when life really starts. No, life is now. This is real. And it’s actually pretty good. :)

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